small daily rituals - spring

living

30 Apr

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Whilst out walking, a newish friend recently asked me what I wrote about on the blog. As I was attempting to explain the Intentional Living part, I realised that at the heart of those two words are the small daily rituals that I’ve fallen into these past few years. I used to think of daily rituals as a meatier concept – the usual stuff along the lines of meditating, writing in a journal, stretching on the yoga mat etc. But as I’ve gotten older, they’ve fallen into a more subtle pattern all by themselves. I’ve come to think of these tiny habits as touchstones for the day that in turn, help smooth the path through the later chapters of life… which can be equal parts amazing and challenging.

It began for me with a gradual tuning into how the changing seasons effected my energy, moods and habits. Since hitting 47 (and no coincidence, perimenopause), I found myself subconsciously leaning into the season I was in and allowing it to have more of a steer on how I lived. I realised that fighting against that urge and trying to maintain the same level all year round became a fruitless task. I would caveat that with the obvious point that I’m not a hedgehog and therefore any seasonal adaptation has to happen within the realms of normal daily life…but you know what I mean.

Winter is a time of hibernation, deep rest, slowing down, turning inwards and spending time reflecting. My energy levels are always lower in winter and to try and fight that is a waste of time. Fresh air and walking still play an important part but otherwise it just feels like time to hunker down.

Spring brings a sense of zesty energy, enthusiasm and motivation and this is always the time I’ll embrace change much more positively if it presents itself. The older I get the more I’ve come to love spring – up until my early 50s I was an autumn girl but now, get me into early February and I become nature watch obsessed. Those post winter signs of life have become a healthy fixation.

Summer for me is all about earthy relaxation – I feel like I turn feral for most of it and am completely at one with nature… especially the beach, moon cycles and the tides. It’s like all my finer senses go into overdrive and my mood becomes as wild as my hair.

And then comes autumn – the season to withdraw again from the world a little and lean into everything cosy. Observing the morning light and how the air smells in September is one of my favourite things to do. It also comes with a bouquet of sharpened pencils newness of course (thank you Nora), and yet more reflection but on a gentler level to that of winter. Winter feels more melancholy whereas autumn is hopeful.

By paying more attention to how I felt within the seasons, I started listening to my gut and doing more of the tiny things on repeat each day that helped me feel grounded and calmer. This becomes especially important when things get challenging - then they become a priority so that I’m better equipped to deal with the shittier aspects of life. It usually takes time for me to remember this and for the instinct to kick back in. When we lost Biscuit in November last year, I had to start unwinding am entire year of daily rituals that I’d formed around looking after her and making sure her needs were met. I found this hard for obvious reasons but have also recently realised that some of the things I do now were started because of her - yet another legacy left by that beautiful soul of a dog.

Having written out below the things I do to bookend the days as calmly as possible, I realise I’m bordering on control freak with mildly obsessive tendencies. But I care not. Pushing sixty feels like the right time to add tranquillity to at least the beginning and end of days. These weekday rituals aren’t timed or prescriptive and they vary according to whether I’m working or going out and about. I would also caveat the list with the fact that at 57 I have a grown-up daughter who’s usually away at Uni so there’s no kids to attend to and I work part time for myself, meaning most days I don’t travel. Facts that I am grateful for and determined to make the most of.

DAILY RITUALS – THE SPRING edition

MORNING

I’m usually up early – not in an obnoxious “Get up at 5:00am, do fifty star jumps and drink your green juice” way – it’s more of a I’m getting older and this is the time I wake in the lighter months fact. We sleep with the windows open all year round so the birdsong gets loud from 5:00 onwards which I love. It also means I give up on sleep and am up by 6:00 most days.

I make a cup of tea and bring it back to bed… and it has to be in my favourite mug. I have two of these by Spode and always make sure one is always clean for the morning. I sit in bed for ten minutes or so, just gazing out the window and gathering thoughts – there’s no phone as it goes on charge in the spare room overnight. For years I would wake up and reach for it straight away – the thought of doing that now feels like it would be an assault on the senses before I’m even awake.

The bed gets made without fail - ours has multiple layers and cosy cushions much to Patrick’s befuddlement, so you’d think remaking would be an onerous task. But it’s one of the first daily rituals I relish – not least because seeing it makes me happy that I’ll be back in it later!

Since becoming a cold-water dipper, I’ve learnt to endure turning the shower to freezing cold at the end for two mins regardless of the time of year. It makes me swear and hop about from foot to foot but once I’m dry and dressed the feeling is amazing and I’m pretty sure it helps my immune system to fight off (most) germs all winter too.

The minute I’m out the shower I’m really looking forward to the first coffee of the day. I used to have this whilst making scrambled egg for Biscuit and so now; to focus on a new era, I wanted to change things a little. This included recently treating ourselves to some new mugs and styling the coffee corner in the kitchen to be a bit more pleasing to the (bleary) eye. Still haven’t gotten around to putting that on Instagram but I will.

At this point I’ll put on a seasonal Spotify playlist – usually soft jazz based or something with Coastal Grandmother energy – and empty the dishwasher whilst coffee is underway. I stopped listening to the radio around the time of the pandemic and the TV is never on in the day. I stand by only letting the outside world into mine when ready.

Next comes the morning walk slot – at the beach preferably but around the village will do if time is short. I have this thing about driving to the beach in silence but will listen to music on the way back. Depending on the weather there might be a dip or beach sauna on the cards – I wrote about that ritual during late summer in lockdown and like a lot of people, I would say that was the beginning of changing many habits for the sake of my mental health.

Over the years I’ve come to realise I am Monica from Friends and I’m not afraid to embrace it, so before I get to the desk the following happens or I can’t concentrate on work! I clear away anything left in the living room such as remotes on the sofa (pet peeve), throw away spent tealights, sort out cushions etc. Put on a laundry load if needed and hang out or tumble dry the morning shower towels. Noone in this house has ever suffered with a soggy towel the next day. If needed I’ll do physio stretches for my back, fill up the first water carafe and then eat breakfast… in two parts. No earlier than 9:00 is a glass of kefir and some fresh fruit – always including a kiwi daily for digestion and then about 11:00ish I have either yoghurt with banana, nuts, seeds and a spoonful of peanut butter or some overnight oats made the night before.

Then finally… to the desk! Which I have to take stetch breaks from every hour since suffering with back issues. If it’s sunny, I’ll go into the garden for five minutes… lately under the guise of Robin watching or “checking” on the plants.

AFTERNOON/EVENING

Lunch is around 2:30 – 3:00 as this stops me snacking at 5:00pm - usually eaten away from the desk and preferably reading a book - though sometimes I’ll use the time to catch up on favourite Substack articles.

Back to the desk but if I feel the energy slump hit at 4:00ish I sit on the sofa and try closing my eyes for fifteen minutes. This tiny nap works wonders, and I don’t fall into a long deep sleep – my brain seems to know what it wants and when to wake.

When the workday is over its on with music again whilst tidying the kitchen and if Patrick has worked from home we both might go for a short walk if the weather is good. I think this stems from old dog walking habits being ingrained and if we didn’t go out, I’d miss the full stop to the day and the interaction with other dog owners in the village that we’ve come to know.

Then it’s cook, eat, watch a TV show and clear up the kitchen. We often used to leave the washing up till the next morning but now, if I come down to as much as a glass or pan unclean first thing, it feels like the day starts off on the back foot. I’ll also empty the coffee machine of spent capsules and fill up the water for morning - the path to that all important first cup must be unencumbered!

In terms of phones, I turn mine to silent at about 8:30 - unless H gets in touch, I don’t pick it up again except to put it on charge in the spare room later. I’ll also regularly nag Patrick about getting off his phone or iPad which he loves! I imposed this rule on myself some years ago after realising that at the height of my blogging/social media heyday, I was never without the phone in my hand all times of the day and night. Not only was it so bad for sleep but my attention span was shot to pieces. I wasn’t able to read a book for more than ten minutes… these days I’ll lose hours in pages and chapters.

PJs go on to read on the sofa… then read in bed and then lights out. Bedtime has crept forward to embarrassingly earlier slots ever since H went to Uni three years ago – our current record stands at in bed by 8:45pm. But hey… I’m awake at 5:00 so we’ll just go with it!

So that’s me – the bordering on fanatical, creature of habit who thrives on routine and small daily rituals. Some of it is about being organised and ready for all eventualities. Some of it is about carving out tiny slices of time that facilitate a moment to breathe, absorb what’s happening around me or just being outside in nature, albeit for five minutes.

When I think about it, it’s a form of quiet rebellion in a world that sometimes feels like it’s spinning off it’s axis, but it’s also very much based on me being a homebody at this stage of life. I love going out - exploring places, mooching around the shops (that’s more garden centres or second hand anything of late) and meeting up with friends – but I also love nothing more than returning home to a place of contentment, peace and comfort. And if small daily rituals form part of that then long may they continue. I’d love to know if you’ve formed any rituals of your own and what they are… help a girl out here and make her feel a bit less neurotic!